Story:
A long time ago there was a group of men that were sent out every year in early April and didn’t come back until late October. These men were sent to fish in a lake up north where there is said to be the best fishing in the land. When they were sent they were told to make sure and come back before the first day of November. If they chose to wait till after that, there will be little to no chance making it back alive. There is said to be a creature that comes and destroys anything and everything in its path. This creature only comes out during winter but is deadly to anything that stands in its way.
On this year’s trip, there was a young man by the name of Johnathan. He was the youngest of the group but was one of the smartest that the community has ever seen. They made the trip and with little problems they were able to collect thousands of fish to bring back to the community. It was the last couple days of October and Johnathan decided to question why they were letting one creature control their food source and everything they have worked for. He told the other guys that he would be staying behind to try and defeat the creature.
It was the day his comrades were leaving and he was nervous but very excited to start this journey. He made his way to his new home in a teepee for the rest of the winter. A few days passed and he hadn’t heard anything abnormal. Then one day on his way back from fishing for the day he heard a noise coming from a few hundred yards into the forest. He decided to get into his teepee quickly and stay there the rest of the night.
In the middle of his deep sleep, he was awoken by a banging on the side of the teepee. He grabbed his weapons and ran outside to see what he could find. He found what looked like a polar bear and was able to shoot the bear and kill him. After realizing that the fear that everyone had faced was dead he gathered up the bear and decided to take it to his community to show them his accomplishment. His community was so excited the elected him the leader. The village was so thankful and was able to fish throughout the whole year without any issues.
Authors Note:
This story started as an American Indian fairy tale that was told to children for generations. Instead of a polar bear, it was a spirit in the North wind that was the problem. The original story had a man who defeated him by wrestling and the wind didn’t bother them ever again. I wanted to switch it up by making it real life instead of a fairy tale. I think that by doing that the reader could be more interested and relate to it better.
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Hi Ace! I liked the simplicity and brevity of your story because it made the story such an easy read. I think changing the wind into a polar bear was a good choice and made the story more realistic. It became a story that could be passed down from generation to generation and be about a proud ancestor instead of a legend about someone beating up the wind. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello, Ace!
ReplyDeleteMuch as Kelly said right before this, I loved the simplicity of your story! There was a clearly established group of characters with a basic problem, a climax, and a resolution. I also liked that you changed the threat to the polar bear - it gave the young adventurer something tangible to defeat and take back home. I do wish that the fight between the polar bear and the main character had been dragged out a little longer, though! The poor animal didn't stand a chance against John's gun. Might have made things more interesting if his gun hadn't been working, and if he had had to wrestle the bear, or something along those lines.
Hey Ace,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with the story. The fact that, instead of following the norm that many Native American folk-stories follow of using fantasy/animal themes to tell a story, you chose to use human characters and keep your story grounded made for a very interesting read! You were able to keep the main idea from the original story and translate it into something that is much more plausible. Great job!
Hi Ace! I really like the way you approached retelling this story. A lot of times I'll do the same thing, and re-write things without the magic or anything else, and make real life characters deal with things. I did notice that you used a lot of repetition in this story, and I wasn't sure if it was on purpose. The first paragraph, for example, you used the phrase "were sent" in three sentences in a row. Maybe if you edit the story, you could change it up a bit. Either way, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi again Asaleigh!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story a lot! I think your choice to make the monster a bear instead of the wind was a good choice! It makes it more realistic and I think that helps the reader get more into the story! You did a great job and I can’t wait to read more of your writing!