Portfolio Website: https://sites.google.com/view/acethestory
Week 7: Friendship
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Growth Mindset: Week 15
CAT I chose this one because it is so true. You must keep going to learn yoru skills and to grow a...
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Hello! My name is Asaleigh but most of my friends and family call me Ace. I'll respond to either so feel free to chose either one. I g... -
Portfolio Website: https://sites.google.com/view/acethestory Week 7: Friendship
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Story: A long time ago there was a group of men that were sent out every year in early April and didn’t come back until l...
Ace, that was a great first story about love!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you threw in the plot twist of the pregnancy. I was not expecting that at all! I honestly thought she was about to come with news that she wanted to end things with her husband and was scared.
I would love to know what Jack was thinking about if (or when) he found out that his wife was moving into his boss's apartment. I also wonder if he ever connected the dots and realized that his wife had the baby less than 9 months before he left meaning she had to cheat on him. This could maybe leave him figuring out the whole plot of sending him away and maybe coming back for revenge!
Overall, your story tied together very nice and left me wanting to know more about your characters. The setting and details really draws in your reader.
Thanks for sharing this awesome story!
Hi, Ace!
ReplyDeleteI like your banner image and the image of the penthouse. There is a few grammar errors, such as “He requested that his assistant find out who this was immediately and how he could have her as his own”.
At first, I was very jealous of Blaine with his successes and wealth. Your story changed my perspective of him. As a successful business man, he shouldn’t have “stolen” his employee’s wife. Instead, he planned out so many things just to take Halle away from her husband (Jack). It partially Halle’s fault too. She should have had more self-control, because she has a husband already. I really didn’t expect that Halle would divorce her husband and marry Blaine. It is just wrong. Maybe if she wasn’t pregnant, she would have made a different decision. However, it is good to know that Jack has moved on and found a new love. It’s better than having a wife that cheated on him. I just feel that it’s not fair how “bad people” always get what they wanted and “good people” always have to suffer in most stories.
I enjoyed reading your story.
Hey Ace!
ReplyDeleteGreat story. I was very happy with how the ending turned out for everyone. I will say that I was happy that Blaine while was the cause of the trouble, that he took responsibility. It could have easily gone a different direction with him not wanting anything to do with the child or Halle. I am upset with the character Halle personally and Blaine for having the affair to begin with, more so Halle. I understand that while it is something most try to avoid things happen when drunk, but Blaine had every intention of starting a relationship. I would like to know more about the status of Jacks new relationship, you said they were together for six months but I would've liked to know how well it was going, if he was thinking of marriage and so on.
Ace, I like how you put a modern twist on this story. The picture you used really gave me a mental image while I was reading the story which made the story more effective in my opinion. One thing I am curious about is if Jack ever had any suspicions about his wife and Blaine. Also, I wonder how Jack reacted when he found out Blaine and Halle got married and had a kid together since I don’t think I would like that happening if I was in Jack’s shoes. What if instead of Jack staying with Blaine’s firm, he either creates his own firm or works for another competing firm? I think this could add an interesting aspect to the story because I feel like it would be more realistic for Jack to leave Blaine’s firm after everything that happened. Overall, I enjoyed reading this version of the story and the way you told it.
ReplyDeleteAce, I really enjoyed reading your most recent story! I love that you re-told the story of Bathsheba, something we all know a little bit about, with a modern twist. To me it helped to really high light how strange a story it is - I mean he saw her showering!! - and really made me see Bathsheba in a more unflattering light. Although having her just divorce her husband takes a little of the punch out of the story It definitely made Blaine more likable than David ever has been which was a nice change! All in all great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace, great story! I love romance, so I really enjoyed your story! I'm also familiar with the story of Bathsheba and David, and I think you did an excellent job telling the story in a modern setting! I'm also happy that you didn't kill off the husband, and instead, Jack was able to be happy in Australia! I wish this was a storybook that went on and expanded on the story! The rough patches they had, etc. Does Halle know that Blaine had seen her in the shower? And that he is actually Jack's boss? Was that ever revealed? Maybe you could include that in the story? I think that things moved a little suddenly for Blaine and Halle. It seemed like all of a sudden, they were moving in together, after a single night of passion. But I guess that's why it's fiction. Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your portfolio as it expands!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace! Loved reading your story and I never would have guessed that it was a retelling from the Bible! I probably should have though because to be honest the Bible is filled with lots of "non-Christian" stories. It was a very good modern retelling and all of the thought you put into making sure things were similar between the original and your story really shows! I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending, especially Jack. He really deserved one.
ReplyDeleteI will say that the beginning seemed very drawn out and detail oriented while the rest of it kind of sped along and seemed a little rushed. What about making the description of Blaine a little shorter and then that would give you more room to flesh out their affair? It's hard to root for Blaine and Halle because I don't know much about them and if their love is purely based on the circumstances they ended up in. Is it just physical attraction or is there real love? I know it's hard to really get all you want in a story down in 1000 words and I really did like your story! Can't wait to read more of them!
I loved this story! The original story from the Bible intrigues me because the way she gets rid of her husband is so clever and unnoticeable to someone outside the relationship. I like how you used the fact the relationship of employee and boss to achieve that same cleverness. I think it could be interesting to see what Jack thought about all of this, because I’m sure he heard about it after he moved. So maybe you could add something about that in! Overall I really liked your story and your characters. I would love to maybe see more of Halle’s perspective or maybe even Jack’s as all of this plays out. Because I feel like Jack would have been suspicious that Halle chose to end their marriage abruptly instead of moving with him to Australia, so maybe you could explore that a little. I loved this story and I’m looking forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace! I really enjoyed your modernization of a classic Bible story and especially your twist ending. One thing that struck me was your story opening with "The story all starts with Blaine..." I felt like the story could have opened more softly without such a straightforward introduction. Another thing I wondered is why Halle came to Blaine's apartment in the first place — had she heard about him before? How did he persuade her to come over? I would love to hear a little more of her perspective there. Also, I really enjoyed the idea of your ending, since the end of David and Bathsheba's story is very sad, but I felt like it could use a little more explanation — was Jack not suspicious of Blaine and Halle at all? Were there any hard feelings in the divorce? Overall though, I loved your reimagining and I'm looking forward to reading more of your portfolio!
ReplyDelete• Ace, I really enjoyed your first story for the final project. I had not read the Bible Women stories. At first, I was not a fan of Blaine as a character. I though he was going to come in and think he should get whatever he wanted because he was rich. But happily, later I realized he was a good guy. Maybe you could add some characteristic to Blaine at the start of the story to make him a more likable character that has a good heart. He could enjoy travel or maybe actually talk with Halle and get to know her personality. I also know word count can be an issue but, it would be nice to know what made Halle fall in love with Blaine. Now it seems that she wants to choose the man that has the better job and makes more money but maybe she could be having trouble in her marriage to Jack. Over all I really enjoyed your story and can’t wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteACE!! Great Project! I really enjoyed reading it because Bathsheba and David are one of my absolute favorite stories in the Bible because theres just so much meat there!! David is supposed to be the perfect man but he's still so susceptible to lust and Bathsheba did nothing but take a bath and now she's queen - I mean woah!! I would have liked more detail at the end like you gave at the beginning because it was so awesome and detailed. I wasn't a huge fan of Blaine - but hey I wasn't exactly rooting for David either so I think that's just the nature of the story! It would also be great to maybe hear more from Hallie's perspective - I've just always wanted to hear more of Bathsheba's side of the story anyway so that could be a cool chance for you to present a new perspective! overall I really enjoyed this story and I'm so excited to see what you do next! I'm also doing Bible stories so hopefully I can get some ideas from what you're doing! Good luck and have a great week!
ReplyDeleteHello there Ace! First off, great job with the look of your website! It looks nice and sleek and not too complicated! Bible stories are definitely a great theme to go off of because you can know most people who read your stories are going to know of their origins! I really like the creativity you put into taking such an ancient story and putting it into a more modern world so people can relate with the stories. I really like what you are doing here! I think the best part about your blog is the relatability. And good grief.. that ending.. I don't know about you, but having a child freaks me out at this age. That is the last thing I want to think about. The only thing I would suggest is to add a bit more background so that we can feel for the characters a bit more. Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace! I really like your banner image of the ocean; it’s a very relaxing scene. For your first story, I love the romantic story! I like how you set up the scene with the main character being a wealthy guy living up in his penthouse and how he falls for a girl at first sight. I like the details you put into the story of the location and the specific occupation that Blaine has. Maybe you could add in more details of what Halle does for a living. I also really like that you made the ending happy for Jack too. I thought it would be a little unfair that Halle broke up the marriage because of the mistake but then Jack ended up getting a new girlfriend and a great case so it all works out. For your second story, I actually just read it while doing blog comments this week so I already left comments for it under your original story rather than in this portfolio.
ReplyDeleteHey Ace,
ReplyDeleteI just got done reading your story: "Blaine's Love Story". I think you did an awesome job. Up until your Author's Note, I had no idea that this story was derived from a Biblical tale, which goes to show just how well you were able to modernize the story and keep it grounded to reality.
One aspect of the story that I feel you can develop is the story of Jack. Despite having gained a prestigious promotion, don't you think Jack would have dug deeper as is to why his wife divorced him and why she ended up with his boss? I know that you made the ending of your story the polar opposite of that of the original tales to avoid such a grim outcome. I understand that your first draft should bare some semblance to the original. But now you are able to further evolve this story to something even more original, and I feel that a slight deviation from a "happy ending" could be the key.
Good job!
Hey Ace, what an awesome start to your Portfolio project! I really enjoyed your stories that you have published so far and I think that you have everything really feel organized on your pages. I noticed a small grammatical error in this sentence in the love story: "and she just happened to married to Jack." I think this should be and she just happened to be married to Jack. Overall this story was great and I liked that it has a happy ending. Your friendship story was also great! Again I am a fan of the happy endings and it seems like you really picked some great inspirations for your stories so far. I also like that in general your portfolio has a theme of good qualities like love and friendship. It could be cool to maybe put a story in there that doesn’t have a happy ending, but just throwing that idea out there. I'm curious to see what the next one will be!
ReplyDeleteHello Ace. Your first story was pretty good. The image fit perfectly for the setting that you decided to go with. I read through the comments people have been leaving so far so I will not touch on the grammatical errors. With this story a reader is left wanting more detail. It is short, which is fine, but it is lacking in a few things. Maybe give the main characters a little backstory. It doesn't have to be long but something to give you some sort of sense of how they are as a person. Where were they from? This could help the reader connect with them more. Also did the child have a name? The ending is pretty good for what you are going for with a happy ending but one would figure there would be some sort of drama. Seeing as it is set in modern day I am sure Jack found out about the wedding between Blaine and Halle and would have some sort of feeling about that.
ReplyDeleteHi Ace!
ReplyDeleteI thought you stories were both wonderful and inciting. Your first story was written very well and it had me rooting Blaine to end up with Halle. To be honest the pregnancy caught me by surprise. I didn't expect her to show up and give such big news. I also liked how you changed the fate of of Halle's husband to a better outcome than in the original. I think if you provided more background to the characters it would make it so much better. Right now it's just surface level background. Digging deeper into the characters past, thoughts, and emotions would make it a grand story. I have the same recommendation for the second story about the haunted house as well. Unlike the first story, this one lacked more insight. The reader doesn't know the story behind the haunted house or Trumps task to get out of it alive. Giving the reader more knowledge of this beforehand would be optimal.
Hey Ace,
ReplyDeleteRegarding your first story, Love, I thought it might be representative of David and Bathsheba as soon as you mentioned an attractive woman in the apartment across the street! I think you did a great job of making this story relevant in the modern world. You also did so in a realistic manner - the story sounds like something that could easily happen in the modern business world!
Aesthetically, I think that if you had the penthouse view photograph at the beginning of the story, it would better match your plot. It seems a little counterintuitive for it to be placed after the story is also finished. I think rearranging this would give your audience a better mental image of the scene as the story first begins!
With “Friendship,” I thought you did a great job again of making the story relevant! You manage to maintain the original themes of the story while making it practical for a modern day setting. Also, I think my same comments from the earlier story apply to this one as well! The story would gain some strength if the image of the haunted house were placed at the beginning of the story or perhaps towards the middle. I think you could also consider adding another image, perhaps of Trump Tower or even of the business gained by John after his success!
Hi Ace!
ReplyDeleteYour stories “Love” and “Friendship” were interesting to read. As I read each story I found myself looking for these themes. Your first story “Love” seemed a little surface level for such a deep emotion like love but it was still enjoyable. I wonder how this story would have turned out if Halle did not get pregnant? Would she have returned to Blaine or would she have remained with her husband Jack? Or would she have returned to Blaine? Your second story “Friendship” was odd. How did John become poor and homeless in the first place? Why did you decide to name Trump as the rich man? The plot of this story was a little shallow for me. I do not see the character’s motivations. You may want to go back through the story and give the reader a few clues to why each character make the decision they do.
Hi Ace!
ReplyDeleteI think I read this story (David and Bethsheba) during one of the early weeks of this course! I remember really enjoying it so I am glad you decided to use it as one of your stories. I do believe it would be beneficial to lengthen your story and add some dialogue. I don't know about you, but dialogue always makes stories more interesting for me.
I would also suggest that on your home page you provide a short piece about each story so that your audience knows a little bit about what they are about to read.
Your second story was a fun read! I also read this story and wrote my own story using this model. Mine was much different, for I stuck much closer to the model and used tigers as m characters. I love that you used Chicago for your setting. I love that city, and can picture the setting. I think you should include more pictures for people for have not been there, like a picture of the trump tower and the riverwalk. In your second sentence did you mean he would ask for money on the streets? Your story is on the shorter side, but if you add some dialogue you should be good to go! Overall, I enjoyed your portfolio and can't wait to read more!
Hi there Ace! It's super nice to meet ya! First off, what an interesting name you have! Is it a nickname that has stuck around, or your real name, because that is so cool to me!!
ReplyDeleteYou have an interesting idea for your portfolio. I too was thinking about the idea of a portfolio, that way I could just write stories at my free will, and not need to have them pertain to each other in any way. From what I can see, on your portfolio you are just going to write different short stories, which I like!
The only suggestion I can make is the use of an introductory page, not for your stories, but kind of like a introductory "welcome to my story!" type of thing, where you can give your readers a bit of a background as to what they are getting into, and some of your goals and expectations for portfolio. But like always, totally just a suggestion! Happy Writing!
Hello Ace!
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is very interesting! I read the first story, "Blaine's Love Story." Your writing style is very coherent and the flow was very good! The only suggestion I could make would be to introduce Jack more as a character so the read could be attached more so it is more suspenseful. Either way the story really does a nice job of matching the source material. I also liked how the Jack got sent to all these different locations for work and he did not just die or disappear, which may have been easier to write. Giving the little bit of story of Jack at the end does help the reader a bit by knowing that he went on to live his life, unlike in the source. You did a great job with this story!
Hi Ace,
ReplyDeleteI read both love and friendship of your stories. The first one was interesting of how the Halle just left her about to be husband for the money and fame. It was interesting to read, it reminded me of a T.V. show. My suggestions would be that maybe you can add how Halle tells her husband she is going to break up with him and how she is carrying his boss's baby. That way you can incorporate dialogues into the story to keep it more engaging. Otherwise, good job. For the friendship, I thought it was little short so you could maybe add something more about the guy, who helps the hobo get the price. Another thing, I did not really see details on how the guy helped him navigate throughout the haunted house so maybe add more details on that as well. I like the theme of your stories, they all seem to have happing endings, which I am really found off. Good luck for rest of the project! It looks good so far!
Ace,
ReplyDeleteFirst off let me commend you for the retelling of David and Bathsheba. When I was 5 sentences in I was like "wow. This reminds me a lot of David and Bathsheba." The story you were retelling was so clear from the beginning!
When reading the story of friendship the only question that came up is why did the guy who helped him through have to leave the celebration so quickly? Not answering this question kind of leaves the reader wondering "wait. what happened?" If you want the reader to be asking this question then great job, but you could consider answering the question!
Your retellings are great and keep the reader engaged. The perspective that you have told them has made them seem more realistic and in tune with our times. Great job!
Hey Ace. First of all I really enjoyed the stories in your portfolio because they were very modern and vivid. You did a great job describing the settings of both stories and made it clear how rich Blaine was and how Trump tower was like. One thing that I would recommend in terms of your portfolio is maybe describe what your aim is in your portfolio’s first page. Another thing I would suggest in terms of layout is possibly moving the images you chose for the stories to more crucial places on the page. I think this would add for a better touch on dragging the reader in along with the neatness of the portfolio itself. I do like the images that you chose and the layout as well, I just think that the images lose some of their value being at the end of the story. I also thought in terms of content you could possibly add more detail in the emotion felt with Blaine finding out he was a father. Everything looks great though!
ReplyDeleteHello Ace! I read both of your stories and thought you did a pretty good job on each one. The first one, Love, was a great retelling of Bathsheba and David. It felt more modern and even felt like you were telling a true story. I liked the twist about the pregnancy and having Blaine send Jack to a different continent so that Blaine could stay with Halle. I do think a little more description would have helped the story such as giving more details about each character. I thought there could have been a couple of more encounters by Halle and Blaine so that it could seem more realistic about them falling in love with each other. As for the other story, Friendship, I thought it was a nice idea about the haunted house. The image that you chose for the story fit it perfectly and even gave me the creeps. Great stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace! I really liked your modern telling of the David and Bathsheba story! I also liked how your version had a happy ending. I also like how the story seemed like it could have actually happened and definitely relatable to modern times. Your second story was also really good. I like how it had a kind of Halloween twist to it. I am a chicken, and it would take a lot for me to make it through a super scary haunted house, even with the incentives. I wonder if John has any side effects from the haunted house, or was it just as it seems, he lived happily ever after! I think it would be really cool if the story had some side effects from the haunted house, it would definitely make it creepy (just a thought). I also agree with the comment above about the picture giving me the creeps. I really enjoyed both of your stories and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHello again Ace!
ReplyDeleteHoly cow that second story was really funny with the whole Trump thing! I love it when people put modern day issues into their writings just like some of the most famous authors ever known did back in their day! I also like how you seemed to keep things fairly neutral and didn't make him out to be a necessarily good or bad guy (this was a very smart thing to do in this day and age sadly). I thought the story was really interesting but I have to say I was a little bit confused to who the strange man that helped him was. Maybe that was the whole kinda point and he was just supposed to be a kind strange man but I was definitely left with lots of questions in my head. It would be nice to have a little more information or indication of who he is and I think you have the space to put it in there without going over the word limit.
Overall great job!
Hello, Ace!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all it looks like your portfolio is coming along really well! Both of your stories are very well written and enjoyable and I look forward to any you will add in the future!
Anyways, as I was reading through your portfolio a few questions came to mind. I really enjoyed your first story, Blaine's Love Story, but as I was reading I wondered if Halle was unhappy with Jack to begin with. She clearly fell for Blaine very quickly so I kind of wondered if she was unhappy in her marriage and that helped influence her to find solace in Blaine. Another question I had is what the business was, it really isn't important to the story I was just curious. Also, I loved your ending to this story! I am so glad that you changed the ending from the original story because I hate that David had the husband killed in the original story.
Great work overall! I really enjoyed reading through your portfolio.
What's up Ace,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you are off to a really good start to your project. I am in the Indian Epics Class, so it is always nice to come over to the Myth-Folklore class and check out what those students are up to. First of all, great job with the name Ace, that is awesome. It seems like you know this is an awesome name too because you named your project after it. I like the layout of your website. It is very clean and easy to navigate, making it enjoyable for the reader. I like how you title all of you stories after different traits. I think this is a great idea and makes it more personal for the reader. My favorite one is Friendship, one because friends are great, and two because John goes to the Trump Tower. I thought this was funny and I like how you incorporated that into this class.
Brooks
Hi Ace!
ReplyDeleteI read both of the stories in your portfolio, and I thought both were really good. I think that you particularly did well in updating both to make them more contemporary and relatable to modern readers. Your first story, the love story, I had conflicting feelings about, but they were more about the subject than the way you wrote the story. On the one hand, I didn't like that Blaine and Halle got a happy ending, after their 'love' story started out with a betrayal. However, on the other side, feelings are not things that respond to reason or logic, and all you can do is the best that you can do. I think that the change you made by providing Jack a happy ending, instead of death, did a good job of addressing that conflict.
Hey Ace,
ReplyDeleteGlad it took me all semester to write a blog post comment on your portfolio and find out that we are in the same class.. But I enjoyed reading your stories, the titles were very intriguing and made the reader want to read the stories to find out what they were all about. You also had some great detail in your stories and painted clear pictures in my head. The only thing that I did not like was the Love story because it was really messed up. He literally used his powers as the boss to send Jack away so he could have sexual relations with his wife and then knocked her up. Then in turn abuses his power again and sends him to another country to end his marriage. That was so bad. But other than that it was great reading the other stories and I enjoyed your portfolio. Kill your finals champ
Hi Ace!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how, but when reading the list of projects, I have never come across yours. So, this last week, I decided to check yours out. I really like the design of your portfolio, and I like how you organized your stories into important aspects of life--Love, Friendship, and Decisions. My favorite story was the one about friendship. When you first began that story, I thought it was going to be similar to the hunger games. I thought Trump was going to send him out into an arena. But, when I continued reading it was completely different. I like how the stories all end with a happy ending, especially the one about love. I didn't see how that one could end on a happy note, but you managed to do it. I did not like how the boss abused his powers and created such a mess, but it all worked out in the end. Great project! Good luck with finals!
Hi Ace,
ReplyDeleteI am from the indian epics class so I thought it would be fun to come over and get to read some other material that is different from my own class and I must say I was happy with what I go to read. I loved the original design of your page and need to you come redesign mine as I have zero ability to be artistic at all. I think the best part of your stories was the extensive detail that you added to each of your stories. It really painted a picture in my mind of what you were saying in each of your writings. I also appreciated that all of your stories ended in a happy way as everyone needs a little bit of happiness in their lives. Great job and enjoy your break!!
Hello Ace,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your portfolio and I'm sorry I'm only getting to it now. Your stories are short and sweet and to the point and I appreciate that a lot. I like how you made them all modern renditions of their original story lines and even used familiar stories to help further the ones people might not have known as well. I appreciate that you went out of your comfort zone to tell a good story, that is a very important ability for writers to utilize. I think your Friendship story could use a little more description about the tall, slender man because I wasn't sure who he was or why he decided to help the main character. It made a little more sense when I read the author's note but while I was reading the story, I was a bit confused. I myself was dissatisfied with the ending of your Love story, I felt that Blaine got off too easy and needed to be punished in some way... But that's just me!
Overall great job and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of this semester!!
Hello Ace!
ReplyDeleteThe titles from your stories give a theme to go with on your project. The layout is nice and clean and functional as well as easy to navigate. It does not take away from what the goal is to have people engage in your stories. Not sure why you used Trump in your stories or Trump tower. I am sure you could have come up with a new character in its own and maybe just used all types of known billionaires as a reference point. As a reader this did make me want to stop reading. Using a known person in an original story and not sticking to how they probably are was not a good idea. Next time keep it more original or use someone who is actually like that in their real life. Other than that I loved the way you wrote your stories to keep them engaging and not drawn out. Just the right amount of details worked as well.