This story is now in my portfolio on google sites. Below is the link to my portfolio website.
https://sites.google.com/view/acethestory/love
The story all starts with Blaine, a 25-year-old successful business owner, who lived in the penthouse in the middle of this New York skyscraper. One night he couldn’t sleep and so he stepped out onto the patio that overlooked the majority of New York. While looking out on all of the other buildings, a beautiful woman who happened to be showering in her apartment across the street caught his eye. He requested that his assistant find out who this was immediately and how he could have her as his own. He waited a few days and finally, his assistant came through. Her name was Halle and she just happened to be one of his employee’s wife. He ended up calling her and inviting her over and she showed up late one night when her husband was working late. They ended up having a great night together that ended in Halle getting pregnant. When they first found out, both Blaine and Halle were overwhelmed with emotion and panic. Blaine promised her he would take care of the situation, and that he did.
https://sites.google.com/view/acethestory/love
The story all starts with Blaine, a 25-year-old successful business owner, who lived in the penthouse in the middle of this New York skyscraper. One night he couldn’t sleep and so he stepped out onto the patio that overlooked the majority of New York. While looking out on all of the other buildings, a beautiful woman who happened to be showering in her apartment across the street caught his eye. He requested that his assistant find out who this was immediately and how he could have her as his own. He waited a few days and finally, his assistant came through. Her name was Halle and she just happened to be one of his employee’s wife. He ended up calling her and inviting her over and she showed up late one night when her husband was working late. They ended up having a great night together that ended in Halle getting pregnant. When they first found out, both Blaine and Halle were overwhelmed with emotion and panic. Blaine promised her he would take care of the situation, and that he did.
A few weeks after the news Blaine sent Halle’s husband, Jack overseas to run his corporate office over in Australia. He played it up and made it an opportunity that Jack could not turn down. When Jack told Halle, she took that opportunity to end things and break up the marriage. Within another two weeks, Jack was leaving and was not expected back anytime soon. Halle decided to move into the penthouse with Blaine and they both started their life together. A year later they are happily married with one seven month old and another one on the way. For Jack, he is thriving in the company and has no idea what is taking place with his ex-wife and boss.
Authors Note:
This story came from the story of Bathsheba and David in the old testament of the Bible. She was a wife of a soldier in Davids army and he wanted her. Once he got her, she got pregnant and so David had her husband put at the front of battle and killed. David then moved her into his house and made her his wife. I tried to make it a current time so that it through a unique twist to the plot.
Bibliography:
Hi Ace,
ReplyDeleteWith story like yours, I always expected something like karma that would happen. However, you did not go in that direction and that surprise me (in a good way!). Your ending makes me think that "yeah, a karma of sort isn't needed because Jack is also doing well on his own." I like that the ending is non-cliche and it is great that you are writing base on the original story. I wonder what happen would if Jack ever found out about the secret affair? I wished there would be a bit of dialogues added to the story because I think some dialogues between the characters would show their emotions as well as their personalities so that the readers can understand them or learn about them more. However, I enjoy reading your story a lot and I feel bad for Jack and wondering how is his life over there oversea. Did he find a new love? As well as the post-marriage life between Blaine and Halle. Overall, great job!
Hello Ace,
ReplyDeleteI loved your modern twist of David and Bathsheba. I read your story before the author's note and immediately recognized the story! You did a great job of sticking to the story, but putting a modern twist on it! What if this story was told through Halle's point of view? That would have been an interesting view of the story. I also agree with Vy, some dialog would have been entertaining! Overall, I am thoroughly impressed and enjoyed reading your version of this biblical story!
I really enjoyed reading your story. My favorite part has to be how easy it was to follow and read. It had a little bit of mystery with a modern touch. Great work! I also think you represented the panic element in your story very well. I feel that is a difficult emotion to capture when writing. I did wonder more about the internal thoughts about all the characters involved. For example, I wanted to know more about what the female character thought about the baby, and the baby not being her husband’s. What if you added a first person dialogue representing her emotions, and make her character shine through more. I just felt she was more of an in depth character than the rest. Overall, the modern touch was perfect. I thought it had a little bit of everything, and something I’m actually interested reading about. I’ll have to check out the original story.
ReplyDeleteHi Jack,
ReplyDeleteI like your retelling, as it seems quite plausible and shows that we aren't really that different from people who lived long ago. I am intrigued by the ending - that Jack is happily living abroad without knowing what really happened. It would be interesting to see what happens if he returns or finds out by some other means.
Hi Asaleigh,
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed reading your story, “ Blaine’s Love Story.” I thought it was concise and to the point. I like how you set your story in a modern setting unlike the original story, which was set in B.C. I thought this made your story more relatable. Also, I think it was nice how you ended the story with a happy ending for all party’s that were evolved. Great Job!
Hi Ace! I really liked your version of this story.This is a really old story and your version worked really well with the original storyline. I like how the story had a "semi" happy ending and that things worked out for everyone involved. Things could have easily gotten messy. Great job on your story and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading our story and the way you approached your story in a modern way. It would have been interesting to read more about Halle’s thoughts, but overall you did a great job. I’m glad that Jack still got an ambiguous ending as opposed to being killed, which makes sense for the setting that you wrote. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete